Cranksgiving

[m_cobweb]

I'm a little cranky this morning, which I think has something to do with realizing I haven't had a full day off since Nov. 10. Cat-sitting is hardly an onerous job, but there's a lot of driving involved because my clients are all over the area, and it's hard to always have to be somewhere and not be able to schedule a day for myself.

I hope that I'll capture some of that "holiday" feeling that makes the day feel out of the ordinary. I can't say right now if that's going to happen or not.

At least I have the shining star of "Punksgiving" at the Mercury to orient to...something that will probably help tremendously in releasing some stress.

The visit with the parents is going surprisingly well. It probably doesn't hurt that they're not staying with us and the time spent together is necessarily limited. Still, of course I now feel guilty about all the things I've said recently--but I have to realize that they're all true too. Both parts of the relationship are equally existant (and what makes the relationship so complicated.) It's why I can't completely cut off contact with them and feel it was a good decision. It's why I keep trying.

Gah, it's too early on a holiday to be thinking all this. I'm off to Edmonds.

Comments

[vulture23.livejournal.com]

Yes, it is important to remember that both parts of the relationship are equally real, and equally meaningful. The tolerable, even pleasant, occasions make it much harder to give up on the entire relationship. There does still come a point, though, where the harm that's done by the bad parts outweighs the benefit from the good parts. Of course, nobody but you can make the decision on what that point is, and whether it's been reached yet. Still, it's something for you to contemplate. The anxiety and even panic in the week before they arrived are part of that equation, too -- if you dread their arrival so much, and fear what might happen if this visit *doesn't* turn out well, to the point where you can't enjoy or appreciate much of anything else... that's a serious problem, and it's as much to do with *them* as with you.

Definitely not an easy situation to be in. Just remember, though, that however your parents may act, there's people who do love you just as you are.