Lessons

[m_cobweb]

Post prompted by words from mahariel.

1) Communication really is everything.

2) When dealing with intuitive persons, see #1.

I often have the experience of strong, gut-level hunches that seem on a logical level to be misguided or exaggerated or just plain wrong. Sometime I think I must be losing my mind. And yet those hunches have proven to be correct 99.5% of the time. It's inevitably awkward, though, because talking about these hunches before they're confirmed often makes me sound as though I'm losing my mind.

Advice? Keep information from me at your own risk, because I'm likely to squirrel it out one way or another. And living with it banging from wall to wall inside my head just makes me react more strongly (read: emotionally) when the facts are out.

In addition, as we've all heard before, communication is critical in making polyamory work. Unfortunately communication is always challenging, in any situation. It's so easy to assume that things have been stated and understood. It seems especially perilous when people reach the point of closeness where a number of things can be unsaid and still understood, because there lies the risk of leaving something unsaid that really should have been clarified. Thus leading to...

3) Scheduling and clear communication of such is important. Leave nothing to chance! "Getting it in writing" is not a bad idea.

I'm probably sounding more hard-ass here than I mean to. Still, reminders are a good thing.

Comments

You!

[sg-boobookittie.livejournal.com]

Honey, you are one of the most *amazing*, well-rounded, good-hearted women I know.

Trust your gut and the rest will follow. Interpret that how you will.

And about the crying jags this weekend, *raises hand*, yes, me too!! It gets better right?

(still never got an email from you-know-who) :_(

Don't be grumpy!! I luffs ewe! ;)

Re: You!

[m-cobweb.livejournal.com]

You are so good for me! :-)

Re: You!

[sg-boobookittie.livejournal.com]

:) PS still no email!!

Re: You!

[m-cobweb.livejournal.com]

I understand that feeling. Sigh...

Gut level polyamory

[musicandmuse.livejournal.com]

I really enjoyed reading this, regardless of how "hard-ass" it sounded [see: honest], though it did poke and prod at some personal issues I'm struggling with (thanks for the poke and prod).

Re: Gut level polyamory

[m-cobweb.livejournal.com]

Always happy to poke and prod where it's needed. ;-)

I've spent years and years being tactful and gentle and trying not to hurt people's feelings. Perhaps when I'm what I'm perceived as blunt, it's softened by that past approach. At least I hope so. I realize I'm cutting to the point faster than I used to, just because "beating around the bush" is pointless and wastes time. Interesting...

In other matters entirely: Still Life in Fremont? (I've never managed to go there, despite trying numerous times.) Or is there a coffee house in dt Ballard that isn't a Starbucks or SBC or Tully's? That would be fine, too, and probably easier for you.

Re: Gut level polyamory

[musicandmuse.livejournal.com]

I'm sure there are quite a few non-corporate places now in Ballard, especially now that it's on it's way to gentrification! Mr. Spots Chai is one such place, but to be honest, Fremont is easier for me, so let's say Still Life (I've only been there once, but it should do the trick)

day/time?

Re: Gut level polyamory

[m-cobweb.livejournal.com]

Hm. How's your weekend looking? Otherwise, Monday evening looks good for me, maybe Tuesday (need to check with a friend, though). If not those, I'll take another look...

Re: Gut level polyamory

[musicandmuse.livejournal.com]

Weekend: Sometime late Saturday afternoon I'm getting together with someone, so Saturday between like 11:00 and 3:00 seem pretty good, and Sunday is open so far. If neither of those times are ideal, we can say Monday. ;-)

Re: Gut level polyamory

[m-cobweb.livejournal.com]

Sunday is good for me. Maybe 1:00? (I really need to double-check my SIFF schedule first before I commit to a time, but that sounds safe enough.)

Re: Gut level polyamory

[musicandmuse.livejournal.com]

Let's plan on Sunday at 1:00, let me know, k?

Re: Gut level polyamory

[musicandmuse.livejournal.com]

I sent you an email with an updated plan.

Ciao now brown cow. :-)

[poetdan.livejournal.com]

I'm such a one man show that the idea of polyamory seems entirely mascochistic. My idea of the perfect marriage is seperate houses in seperate cities...now seperties continents wouldn't hurt. Perhaps I'm the hopeless romantic , perhaps I'm the hopeless cynic, perhaps there is litttle difference. Seems to me the only polyamory that I ever saw that really worked only worked on paper. But them I am the wild goose. He seldom mates , but when he does he mates for life. But then at age 47 I've had more than enough lovers for one life.Living with myself is way complicted enough.

[m-cobweb.livejournal.com]

Ah. That used to be my idea of the perfect marriage too. Funny how I changed. I never meant to, but after many years of disasters I found two relationships that I don't want to lose.

Now I just need a better calendar. ;-P

[vulture23.livejournal.com]

All of these are valuable lessons, however difficult they may be to live up to at times. Then again, important things are rarely easy.

Try to remember what I told you the other night -- you are special to me in ways that I have no words for, and no matter what else happens in my life, I don't want to risk losing that.