Theory

[m_cobweb]

Pop psychology would have it that people deliberately (albeit subconsciously) seek out relationships that reflect failed relationships from the past. Apparently we do so out of some sort of comfort level--"My father treated me badly, therefore I will be involved with men who treat me badly because that is how things should be."

But isn't it possible we fall into these patterns because we want to change the pattern, not repeat it? And when the pattern repeats, it's because the "problem behaviors" are part of the other person and not so easily changed. And not changed simply for our benefit.

I believe it's possible to learn from the past and break the pattern. I've done it. I've also made mistakes and fallen back in, and then I've realized my error, extricated myself and moved on. I think the human animal is capable of learning and growing (realizing this may not happen often enough, ahem).

Comments

Re: contrariwise...

[vulture23.livejournal.com]

I do think that Einstein would agree that, if you've changed the environment in which the "experiment" takes place, then it's a different experiment, and not doing the same thing over. And yes, there is definitely value in revisiting past problems at a time when one is better equipped to deal with them. The trick is in being aware that one *is* revisiting, and having a good idea of what steps to take to make things turn out different this time. This includes being able to recognize that, for some situations, nothing that one can do onesself can make a difference -- personal determination, analysis, and effort are incredibly valuable and can accomplish many things, but they can't accomplish *everything*. Revisiting an old conflict can help to resolve unfinished business, but it's still important to choose one's battles wisely.